Mercenaries Obituary

The following was originally written by Glenn while he watched me play Mercenaries on the original Xbox. Suffice to say it took me a few goes to get it right, as we shall see.

1. Killed in Car Crash
Killed a few gooks

2. Shot in Back
Cannot drive tank - dickhead

3. Blown Up!
Loves Character - till wet
Cannot "reverse"

4. Killed while charging tank with bayonet! - fools
Carpet bombs civillians
Reported last words: "Don't shoot til you see the whites of their eyes!

5. Landed, pierced on a sharp rock, twitching after being blown away
Expressed surprise at being shot at
Wailed "Run Away!" sixteen times while near death!
Carpet bombed a single tank

6. Fell off back of lorry

7. Killed by a completely random explosion
Panicked and tipped tank when under no enemy fire at all

8. Speeding in an APC, clipped the edge of a pebble and rolled 12 dozen times into a radioactive lake
NB: Technically it was a river\sea (roll on next death)

9. Reenacted Tianamen Square (was run over by a Communist Tank)
Gets stuck between a bush and a tree in a 35tonne North Korean tank

10. Run over by fleet of jeeps
Exceeds monthly alcohol limit within 2.5 hours. Crashes his vehicle shortly after.

11. Killed while climbing a mountain by yetis
Nearly blown to smithereens while using all his time and energy physically assaulting a tank

12. No Death!
Survived a 250ft drop off a mountain peak in an APC
AND
Called in a carpet bomb strike on his own position
BUT
Destroyed the SUPERGUN for the first time in his life.

DID IT!

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And there you have it. The thrilling story of a night in Sunderland. I'd like to point out that Oli and I subsequently went out, and both scored (admittedly Oli scored with his girlfriend, but it still counts I suppose), which means we're not geeks.