Easiest Module Ever!

I'm going through my old transcripts because I'm applying for a Training Contract. Back in 1st year I had to do two crappy modules that I absolutely hated because they were just retarded. When the requirements to do the course include "Can you switch on a computer?" you know you're in Timmysville.
But I digress. It was a two part module. 0% of the overall grade came from "online participation" (send your tutor an email to say "Hey, I can use Email!"). 100% of it came from an essay (2000 words on how you sent your tutor the aforementioned email). I didn't do the essay, because I'd rather spend my time revising the Law subjects I was doing, and so I got 0%.

Now, the more mathematically inclined amongst you may have noticed that if I got 0% of 100, and 100% of 0, I should have received an overall mark of 0, and had to resit. I actually got 59%.
It's A M A T H S P A R A D O X

I think this demonstrates the retarded nature of the module. Still, why couldn't they have given me one extra mark so I could have gotten a 2:1?

Best Chat Up Line Ever!

I just watched out the window as a 10 yr old boy tried to walk along a (roughly 13 foot hight) wall to impress a group of girls. He fell. He deserved it.

I always said going on the pull was dangerous...

See? Even the professionals do this

Plane misses runway. If I had a pound for every time I'd done this in Flight Simulator, I'd be able to afford a real plane.

Which I would then crash on landing.

"We demolished our town center and replaced it with a fountain!"

Why did you do that, Darlington? You used to have a nice town centre, with flowers, and steps to stop disable people moving around. And every time you crossed the road you nearly got killed by a bus. It was exciting.
Now the flowers are gone, replaced by concrete breeze blocks. The steps are replaced by ramps. And there' s hardly any buses. And it's not even a cool fountain like the one in Shildon (which got switched off after Kenny Barlow drowned in it). It's just a few steps with water running down it. Kinda disappointing, really.
At least you put in plenty of benches though. That's pretty cool. It means you can sit down. Also you seem to have gotten a lot more hot women installed. This is extremely good, as I like a bit of eye candy while I'm shopping.

Other things of interest: The William Stead (a pub named after a teetotal is deliciously ironic) is not as nice as the Lambton Worm, but it is better than Jameson's. It's a lot quieter than the Worm, but it was a Thursday afternoon. No toilets downstairs is a bit of a downer, but the upstairs area seems quite nice and relaxing. If ever we visit my beloved Darlo (which I must insist upon at some point), it will certainly be on the itinerary. Actually, it will be the itinerary, since there's not much else of note really.

Ban Fire

I would like to urge all my readers to sign this petition to ban fire. Everyday, tens of thousands of people are killed by fire. I don't know about you, but I find this to be unacceptable. For this reason, I'd like to send our leaders a message that we, the People, want this insidious threat to be eliminated.
Please, think of the children. Thank you for your time.

Is this the most boring job in Japan?

I'm watching a documentary atm about how Plasma TVs are made. It turns out there is a man who listens to a load of white noise emitted by the TV to check if it's working properly. He stands behind the TV while this is happening so that he can plug his equipment in more easily. Some choice quotes (through an interpreter, the guy doesn't speak English):
"I like TV's so much I make them for a living"
"Sometimes I wish I could get to watch the front of a TV, rather than behind it"
He then proceeded to shake the TV "to check for loose screws".
The best thing is, he is so badly paid that he can't even afford a plasma TV for himself but he hopes to able to "some day"

The lengths some people go to in order to ensure we can watch TV.