Isn't this sort of stuff supposed to be kept secret?

Hey guys, our countries completely undefended. Feel free to invade us, we don't mind, and even if we did, who's gonna stop you?

I swear down we're going to wake up tomorrow morning speaking Belgian. Or worse, Germany will come and make us use their weird toilets. Back in the day we had an army that could (and did) conquer most of the known world, and now you're telling me the Motherland has only 500 troops defending it?

At least we'll be able to hold off Antigua & Barbuda, and the Seychelles (but not at the same time). And God forbid Barbados decides to have a go at us as well, because then we're really screwed.

What on Earth were you thinking, Germany?

It appears the architecture of German toilets differs somewhat from our own. Rather than just dumping your dump into a pool of water, into which it can happily sink into oblivion, ne'er to be seen again, our Teutonic friends prefer to have their ... 'droppings' drop onto a shelf, where it can be kept perfectly dry and cosy while friends, loved ones and neighbours are summoned to gaze with envy at the behemoth summoned from your behind.
Say no to a Single European Toilet Design.