Make sure to wash your hands after going to the toilet!

"Flood water can be used to flush the toilet although you will need to wash your hands with clean water afterwards as there is a small risk of infection from contaminated water." See, I was brought up to wash my hands after I'd been to the toilet, because the stuff you just put into the toilet was unhealthy and disease-ridden, not because the toilet water was dirty.

But then I was also brought up to believe that one should not build one's city underwater, so go figure. In Shildon we had the right idea. Our city's founding fathers built our city on a hill (actually several, Shildon is like Rome in that respect) so we don't get flooded.

We need to close the Toilet Gap

Continuing our Lavatorial theme for the day, we travel to the Land of the Rising Sun. If God used a toilet, he would use one of these - the Super Toilet. Ordinarily, I would consider such a name to be mere hyperbole. In this case, it is not. This truly is a Super Toilet, a toilet one would find atop Mount Olympus, or in the halls of Valhalla.
These toilets sense your presence, and raise the lid accordingly. Not only that, they sense whether you are facing it or not, and raise the seat accordingly. They squirt water at you afterwards to cleanse you. They play music. They have air conditioning!
This once great nation has fallen behind. We who invented the toilet have rested on our laurels, and, as in so many fields of human endeavour, allowed other nations to overtake us.

I commit this nation to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of creating a toilet capable of rivalling those in Japan, that we may regain our crown as the pre-eminent nation in toilet technology!

What on Earth were you thinking, Germany?

It appears the architecture of German toilets differs somewhat from our own. Rather than just dumping your dump into a pool of water, into which it can happily sink into oblivion, ne'er to be seen again, our Teutonic friends prefer to have their ... 'droppings' drop onto a shelf, where it can be kept perfectly dry and cosy while friends, loved ones and neighbours are summoned to gaze with envy at the behemoth summoned from your behind.
Say no to a Single European Toilet Design.